The body shaming I grew up with

The 90’s were an interesting decade, it was the height of skinny and appearance culture, there were entire shows and movies dedicated to shaming people for their appearance, it was a time when being fat was seen as some sort of personal failure, and it was ok to make fun of others for their appearance.

I heard a lot of opinions about others appearance, what others ate, if they exercised, and internally it created a lot of anxiety. I wish the appearance shaming ended when I was a young person but it continued even into my adulthood.

Things like this were said at family events:

“fat ankles are ugly”

“women with small breasts are more attractive”

“you’re tall, but you don’t have any muscle”

“ I eat clean, take your junk food with you, I won’t have it in my house”

“I don’t visit with people who don’t do physical activity”

“The lasagna you made was unhealthy” (after taking my resources and time making lasagna for 20 people)

“Are you eating more?”

I could go on.

There was a time I actually skipped a close friends wedding because I was so ashamed of my appearance, I stood out of photos with my kids for YEARS. I tried several diets and felt like a failure when I couldn’t follow through. It had a huge internal impact on me, and I often hated the way I looked.

Its not something I want my own children around. My youngest son is autistic and struggles with ARFID, some of his safe foods are not “healthy” and I will not expose my child to anyone who could potentially shame him, especially if we call them “family”, because family should be a safe place, not a place where you fear being shamed. My own family just encourages him to try new foods, we let him decide if he wants to, he takes supplements so he’s getting the nutrients he needs when he won’t eat certain things, we do not comment any further, we simply allow him to be himself.

Other people’s bodies are none of our business to comment on, because body commenting, and food and exercise pressure and shaming are UNHEALTHY and damaging. My upbringing around appearance and diet culture is something I strive not to repeat with my own family, I’ve had to do a great deal of deprogramming to stop looking at food and exercise the way I was raised to. So many young people struggle with disordered eating and excessive exercise because of the messages they have heard from family and see on social media, and I do not care to contribute to this toxic part of society. Our bodies are a vehicle to experience the world, not a problem that needs fixing. We have tastebuds….we are meant to enjoy food. We have legs,  they are meant to get us places to enjoy the world. We are meant to live, not shame ourselves over appearance. We are meant to love ourselves and take care of ourselves, and shame is not a part of love.