The reality of a mental breakdown

About six years ago I had what use to be called a nervous breakdown, some now call it a mental breakdown. It was severe and it nearly killed me. The recovery has been long and very messy. Most people who reach the point I did end up hospitalized, for me I ended up at my doctors, we decided to take steps to recover at home.

I don’t often share about that time. For me it comes with a lot of shame.

I went from being able to do it all to barely able to leave my room.

I’ve always worked hard to be make my home tidy and welcoming, but during the worst of it I couldn’t do anything and our home got a bit messy. I wasn’t able to cook, clean or even parent like I once did. Just getting out of bed was often my biggest goal in a day.

Growing up a tidy house was kind of really important, so when depression hit not being able to keep up often made me spiral emotionally. I lost myself completely.

Things for me have gotten better as time has gone on but it has been a long and difficult recovery. My mental illness still hinders me sometimes, but I’ve begun to slowly start declutterring and tidying and getting my home back to the way it once was. I’m not saying this as an insult to my partner. He took up so much more than he was ready for, he has been my only real support, and the only one who understood how serious my illness was and is. He did an amazing job supporting me and keeping things going. I grew up with pretty fussy standards, I try not to project those things onto him. He did an amazingly great job, and he now supports me in cleaning and declutterring in the way that works best for me.

People don’t understand the severity of depression, I couldn’t really see clearly how it changed our home. I felt the shame of not being able to live up to how I was raised. The truth is there are more important things then a tidy home, my mental health being one of them

If you know someone battling depression and you can lend a hand or support them with keeping life together while they’re falling a part, it really is the best gift. On my hardest days being able to come down stairs to a tidy room and a cup of tea was really a huge comfort, it was like finding a safe shelter during a storm.