Reality bipolar

I live with bipolar and autism, and both impact me and each other daily. Small changes can create a big response in me. This last couple weeks I have had sleep regression, mania, and now a dip in mood and energy. This happens frequently for me when summer turns to fall. The change in light shifts my brain into rapid cycles that are difficult to manage. Paranoia and existential dread often come along for the mood ride. It can be frustrating to go from energy and sleep regression to depression and inability to stay awake, but this is the reality of bipolar, and specifically bipolar 1 with rapid cycles. For no reason at all except light change my stability is thrown out the window. This is why bipolar is disabling, when I go low it’s not just mood, it’s coupled with severe energy loss, and sometimes the low becomes so low my mind becomes suicidal, and I struggle to stay in reality, in the evenings my brain is especially loud. To stay grounded I use exercises I learned to manage overstimulation due to autism. I breath and listen to my breathing. I tighten my full body and slowly relax it, I shake my hands vigorously, I listen for 5 sounds. I do things to get me back into my body, and it often does help my brain to quiet. I keep a list of things to do to help self regulate, I often seek extra human support when my brain becomes suicidal, because those thoughts can be harder to manage on my own.

Seeking help or telling someone when your thoughts are suicidal is important, always seek help for it.